Christmas stress killing your sex drive? Why libido drops in December

First published by the NZ Herald on 16 December 2025

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/christmas-stress-killing-your-sex-drive-a-kiwi-sex-coach-explains-why-libido-dips-in-december/premium/BD7ANO4TP5AJFGD6MHZQQAKF3U/

Ahh Christmas - a time of joy, celebration, family, and feasts. But it also brings a special kind of end of year chaos. Work deadlines, a never-ending stream of social events, kids’ activities, gift selection and the extra financial load of the season, thrown on top of those sometimes anxiety fuelled family get-togethers. ‘Tis the season… for feeling stretched in every direction.

There’s no denying it, December can be an incredibly stressful time - especially for women, who we know still carry most of the household and mental load in New Zealand. And stress is one of the biggest barriers to sexual desire… again, particularly for women. More stress means lower desire. Add in the endless social and family commitments and suddenly there’s hardly any time or headspace for intimacy. It’s a double whammy - and not the good kind you might find in those spicy holiday reads.

But it’s not all bad news. As soon as the Christmas cheer fades and Boxing Day rolls around, many of us seem suddenly ready to make up for that lack of lust - and roll around with our partner again. And again. And again.

The holiday period after Christmas - especially the week between Christmas and New Year - is known worldwide as a time when sexual activity spikes. But here in New Zealand, where it also happens to be peak summer, that spike is two fold. Another double whammy, and definitely the good kind. 

Studies show people have more sex in the warmer months, so we’re lucky to have both summer and post Christmas randiness coming together. And who doesn’t like coming together.. Oops, sorry, I couldn't help myself. I think I’m already feeling that post-Christmas vibe! 

As a side note - if you’ve ever wondered why September is one of the most common birth months in New Zealand… well, there’s your answer.

Once the pressure of Christmas finally lifts, everything starts to reset. The work year is wrapped, the social calendar quietens, we’ve got a few precious days off, and for the first time in weeks our nervous system can actually exhale. When we feel more relaxed, we have the time and mental space for desire to return - and for pleasure to feel possible again. It’s amazing what a little rest, sunshine and unhurried mornings can do - your libido basically comes out of hibernation and stretches its legs.

So if you’re worried about feeling less desire in the lead up to Christmas, try not to be. It’s perfectly normal, and usually comes down to increased stress and less time or headspace for intimacy. Don’t let this temporary dip in libido add another layer of pressure - it will pass!

Instead, you might want to look forward to the double whammy we’re all in for and prep accordingly. Take a cheeky snap of yourself in your Mr or Mrs Claus outfit and send it to your partner - even if you’re not quite feeling in the mood yet. You can always say that while Santa is busy right now, the holidays are just around the corner….

Or indulge in a spicy holiday read to get your imagination going. Remember - threesomes are the most common sexual fantasy for both men and women, so you’re definitely not alone if your mind wanders there. 

Find the version of “double whammy” that works for you - even if it’s only through the pages of a book. The feelings that arise from fantasy can translate into real life desire and a greater sense of erotism. And if you’re feeling brave, talk about the parts that turned you on with your partner. Couples who talk about their fantasies - even if they never act on them - tend to feel closer and have more satisfying sex lives. 

So there you have it - December might dial things down, but January more than makes up for it. Summer fun indeed.