QUALIFIED
Sexologist · Sexual Health Alliance (USA)
QUALIFIED
ANZCAL Associate
FEATURED IN
FEATURED IN
FEATURED IN
A CONFESSION
You don't need a new partner.
You need a way back to each other.
Most couples I work with love each other. That part is not the problem.
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The problem is that life has stacked up. Kids, careers, mortgages, the relentless logistics of being two adults running a household together. Somewhere along the way, the version of you that used to flirt with each other got quietly replaced by the version that compares calendars and divides up the school run.
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You have not fallen out of love. You have just stopped reaching for each other. And neither of you quite knows how to start again — because nobody ever properly taught either of you, and now you have both been not-knowing for too long to admit it.
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This is the work I do with couples. A guided reset for two people who already love each other and want their relationship to feel electric again. Education-led, future-focused, and built for couples who are done waiting for things to improve on their own.
"This is not crisis therapy. This is a guided intimacy reset for couples who already love each other and want more."
WHY THIS WORK MATTERS
The numbers nobody talks about.
1 in 3
long-term couples say they rarely or never talk openly about what they want sexually - not once in the past year.
70%
of women experience responsive desire — meaning they don't just "feel in the mood" spontaneously. Most couples have never been told this. It changes everything.
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formal lessons most couples receive on how desire, intimacy, and pleasure actually work - together. That's what this work changes.
WHO THIS IS FOR
This is for couples who...
Love each other, are not going anywhere, but somehow feel further apart than you used to
Used to have great sex, and are not exactly sure when that quietly stopped happening
Have been together long enough to be very comfortable — and have lost some of the edge that goes with it
Are about to enter a new chapter (empty nest, retirement, a big move) and want the relationship to be ready for it
Have weathered something hard together — illness, a job loss, a difficult few years — and want to reconnect properly
Are doing fine. And want to be doing more than fine.
Are NOT in crisis, are NOT considering separation, but rather want growth, not rescue.
"The spark isn't gone. It's buried."
WHAT WE WORK ON TOGETHER
A guided intimacy reset.
Every couple who works with me privately comes with their own situation — their history, their patterns, the conversations they have been avoiding. The coaching is built entirely around what actually matters for the two of you. These are the areas couples most commonly focus on.
Finding each other again
01
Past the logistics, past the parenting partnership, past the household-running. Back to the two of you. Back to the version that wanted to spend time together for no reason other than wanting to.
Mismatched desire
02
One of you wants more, one of you wants less. It is the most common couples issue I see, and the least well-explained one. Real information here changes everything.
The conversations you've been avoiding
03
Past the logistics, past the parenting partnership, past the household-running. Back to the two of you. Back to the version that wanted to spend time together for no reason other than wanting to.
Rebuilding physical intimacy
04
From small moments to bigger ones. Touch, attention, presence. The whole vocabulary, slowly relearned together. With actual tools, and not just hope.
Better sex, on purpose
05
Real, accurate information about how both of your bodies work. Most couples have never been given this together, in the same room, with someone who can actually explain it properly.
The next chapter together
06
What does the next 10, 20, 30 years of your relationship look like? And how do you want it to feel? This work is about the future, not just the present.
One of you. Both of you. Whatever feels right
"You don't have to be struggling to want this. You just have to be curious."
- RACHEL STREVENS, SEXOLOGIST
HOW IT WORKS
A considered way in.
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Free Intro Chat
Discovery Session
The Work
Optional Retreat
30 minutes with one or both of you. Tell me where you are; I'll tell you if I can help. No relationship audit, no pressure, no awkwardness.
Your first 2-hour couples session. Both of you, together. Where we map the territory — what's working, what's not, what you both actually want.
Couples sessions, usually fortnightly. Online or in person in Auckland. A mix of joint and individual sessions, tailored entirely to the two of you.
A weekend NZ retreat, or the longer Rarotonga retreat, is the immersive option for couples who want a deeper reset and meaningful time to do the work together.
Step one is a free 30-minute call. No commitment, no awkwardness.
WANT TO EXPLORE FURTHER?
Three good next steps.
COUPLES RETREAT
The Passion Retreat · Rarotonga
Four nights, beachfront. Ten hours of guided couples work. August 2026. The immersive version of this coaching — for couples ready to go deeper in a stunning setting.
FOR HER
1:1 Coaching for Women
Some couples start with one partner doing the individual work first. Pleasure coaching for women is here.
FOR HIM
1:1 Coaching for Men
The men's equivalent. Intimacy and confidence coaching for men in NZ — individual work that feeds directly into the couple.
FROM COUPLES WHO DO THE WORK
What changes when couples do this work.
I know what it feels like to be in a long-term relationship and sense that something has quietly slipped away — and not have the language or the tools to find your way back to each other. I also know, from the other side of that experience and from the work I now do, that the gap between where most couples are and where they want to be is almost never as wide as it feels. It tends to come down to the same things, again and again.
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The guesswork stops.
​Most couples have been quietly assuming things about each other for years — assuming she's not interested, assuming he doesn't care, assuming this is just what happens over time. Real information replaces the assumptions. And when the guesswork stops, the resentment that was quietly building alongside it tends to go with it.
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02
The conversations finally
happen.
Not the circular ones you've been having for years. The actual ones — about what you want, what you've missed, what you're both hoping the next chapter looks like. Couples consistently tell me these are the conversations they'd been meaning to have for a decade. They just needed a space where having them felt safe enough.
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03
The spark turns out not to have gone anywhere.
This is the one that surprises people most. They come in thinking something has been lost. What they find, almost without exception, is that it was buried. The attraction was always there. It just needed someone to finally give them the tools to get back to it.
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COMMON QUESTIONS
What couples ask before booking.
Is this going to be awkward? Less than you think. Most people tell me, within about ten minutes of the first session, that it actually feels weirdly normal — because for the first time someone is talking about this stuff like an adult. You can ask anything. Honestly, there is nothing I have not been asked before.
Do both partners need to attend? For couples coaching, yes — at least for the joint sessions. We can absolutely do individual sessions in parallel if that is helpful (which it often is), but the heart of the work happens with both of you in the room (or on the call) together.
What if one of us is more into this than the other? Honestly? Almost always the case. One partner does the reading, listens to the podcasts, books the call. The other shows up a bit hesitant. By session two, the hesitant one is usually the more invested. The work is designed to feel genuinely useful from both sides.
How is this different from couples therapy? They are doing very different jobs. Couples therapy is built for distress — affair recovery, significant trauma, separation risk. It is skilled, important work designed for exactly those situations. Couples coaching is built for aspiration. If your relationship is fundamentally good and you want more from it — more connection, more intimacy, more of that electricity you remember — that is where coaching comes in. It is education-led, future-focused, and designed for couples who are ready to grow, not recover. If you are in serious trouble, please see a therapist first. If your relationship is solid and you want it to feel alive again — that is what this work is for.
Can we do this online if we're not in Auckland? Yes — most of the couples I work with are online, from across NZ. We use Zoom and it works beautifully. Couples often actually find it easier to be in their own space rather than a different setting.
Is this confidential? Yes. All coaching conversations are confidential and conducted in line with ANZCAL professional ethics standards. What is discussed in sessions stays in sessions. The standard professional exception applies: if there is serious risk of harm to you or another person, I am required to take appropriate action. This is the same standard across all health and coaching professions in NZ.
What actually happens in a session? All sessions are entirely talk-based — conversation, education, and guided reflection. There is no touch, no physical contact, and no somatic bodywork of any kind. A typical session combines real information about how desire and intimacy work, guided discussion between the two of you, and practical tools to take away. It is warm, educational, and — more often than not — a genuine relief.
How much does this cost? Pricing is shared on your free intro call, because the right structure depends on where you are and what you want to work on. What I can tell you is that most couples work with me over 3 to 6 months, and the investment is designed to give you skills you carry forward — not to keep you in coaching indefinitely. If cost is a genuine concern, please mention it on the intro call. I would rather have that conversation than have you not reach out at all.
How long does this typically take? Most couples work with me over 3 to 6 months. Some shorter, some longer. The work is designed to give you skills you carry forward — not to keep you in coaching indefinitely.
What if we are considering separation? Then this is not the right starting place — please see a couples therapist first. If you stabilise things there, decide to stay together, and then want to actively rebuild what you have, that is exactly when this work becomes a beautiful fit.
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